Safety by age
2 to about 4:
This is the age of "lapware," when children start
interacting with the computer in the presence of a parent or
sibling. There are numerous activities and sites that are
likely to be appropriate for this age group but, in most
cases, it makes sense for the parent and child to be
exploring together. This is not just a safety issue, but
also a way to assure that the child has a pleasant
experience, and to help build bonds between the child and
the older person who is surfing the Internet with them.
Starting at about age 3, some children can benefit by
having a bit more independence so that they can explore,
experience discoveries, and make mistakes on their own. That
doesn't mean that they should be given free access. It's
probably best for parents to choose the Web sites they visit
and not let them leave those sites on their own. You don't
necessarily need to stand over them or sit with them the
entire time that they're in a known safe site.
4 to about 7:
Children begin to explore on their own, but it's still
important for parents to be in very close touch with their
children as they explore the Net. When your child's at this
age you should consider restricting her access only to sites
that you have visited and feel are appropriate. For help
with this matter, you can consider using one of the
pre-screened Web sites in GetNetWise, as well as
child-safe search engines.
At this age it's important that kids experience positive
results from sites that can enhance their discovery. The
issue here isn't so much avoiding dangerous sites, but
making sure they are visiting sites that don't frustrate
them or lead them down blind alleys
7 to about 10:
During this period, children begin looking outside the
family for social validation and information. This is when
peer pressure begins to become an issue for many kids. It's
also a time when kids are looking for more independence from
parents, according to psychologist Richard Toft. During
these years, children should be encouraged to do a bit more
exploring on their own, but that doesn't mean that the
parents shouldn't be close at hand. Just as you wouldn't
send children at this age to a movie by themselves, it's
important to be with them -- or at least nearby -- when they
explore the Net. For this age group, consider putting the
computer in a kitchen area, family room, den, or other areas
where the child has access to Mom or Dad while using the
computer. That way, they can be "independent" but not alone.
Also, consider using a
filtering program or restricting them to sites that you
locate via a
child-safe search engine. Another option for this age
group is a
child-friendly browser.
When your child is at this stage, you need to be
concerned not so much about what he's doing online and with
the PC as how long he's spending on the PC. Be sure that his
time on the computer and the Internet doesn't take away from
all his other activities. Kids need variety, and it's not a
good idea for them to be spending all of their time on any
single activity, even reading books. One way to deal with
this might be through the use of a software
time-limiting tool. It's even important to be sure that
they are varying what they do online. Encourage them to
explore a variety of Web sites, not just one or two of their
favorites.
10 to about 12:
During this pre-teen period, many kids want to experience
even more independence. If children aren't already doing so,
this is a time when they should start using the Internet to
help with schoolwork and, perhaps, discover resources for
their hobbies, sports activities, and other interests. This
is also an age when you have to be concerned not just about
what kids see and do on the Internet, but how long they are
online. Your job is to help them manage their independence.
Set limits on how often and how long kids can be online, and
be sure that they are engaged in other activities such as
sports, music, and book-reading.
At about age 12 children begin to hone their abstract
reasoning skills. With these enhanced skills, they begin to
form more of their own values and begin to take on the
values of their peers. Before that they're more likely to
reflect the values of their parents. It's important at this
age to begin to emphasize the concept of credibility. Kids
need to understand that not everything they see on the
Internet is true or valuable, just as not all advice they
get from their peers is valuable. A good way to illustrate
this is for them to do a search for sites on subjects they
know a lot about -- favorite athletes or musicians, subjects
they love in school, etc.
12 to about 14:
This is the time when many kids become very social and
when they are most likely to be interested in online chat.
Go over the basic privacy rules with your kids to be sure
they understand never to give out information about
themselves or to get together with anyone they meet online
without first checking with their parents. Also, emphasize
the importance of never exchanging photographs with people
they don't know. At this age they need to understand clearly
the fact that people on the Internet may not be who they
appear to be.
This is also an age where many children start expressing
interest in sexual matters. It is natural for them to be
curious about the opposite (or even same) sex and not
unheard of for them to want to look at photos and explore
sexual subjects. During this early exploratory period, it is
especially important for kids to know that their parents are
around and aware of what they are doing. You may not need to
be in the same room as your kids the entire time they're on
the Net, but they do need to know that you and other family
members can walk in and out of the room at any time, and
will ask them about what they are doing online.
Don't be alarmed if they are interested in exploring
sexual material. How you manage this, of course, depends on
your own view of such material. It's important, however, to
be aware that some of the materials they might find on the
Internet are different -- and more explicit -- than some of
the magazines that may have been around when you were that
age. If kids search hard enough, they can probably find Web
sites and newsgroups that explore sexual fantasies that they
-- and even you -- might find disturbing or even
frightening. This is probably the strongest argument for
Internet
filters but it's also an argument for close parental
involvement, reinforcing your family's values, and creating
a climate of trust and openness between parents and
children.
Children at this age are likely to be interested in games
that they can download from the Internet to play either
online or offline. Some of these games may have content that
parents feel is inappropriate, so it's important to be aware
of what your kids are doing on the computer, even when
they're not connected to the Internet.
Monitoring software may help you in this effort.
This is also a period when many parents choose to speak
with their children about sexual matters. It may be a good
idea to think about how you might react if you discover that
your child has visited places on the Internet that you feel
are inappropriate.
You can use filtering and monitoring software at this
age, but you may start to run into some resistance. What's
important is that you are honest with your kids and that
they know what you are doing and why you are doing it. If
you use filtering software, for example, you need to explain
to them that you are doing it to protect them from material
that you consider to be harmful. Just as you might not let
them go to certain places in your community, you are
exercising your parental right to keep them from surfing to
certain types of places in cyberspace.
14 to about 17:
This can be one of the most exciting and challenging
periods of a child's (and parent's) life. Your teen is
beginning to mature physically, emotionally, and
intellectually and is anxious to experience increasing
independence from parents. To some extent that means
loosening up on the reins, but by no means does it mean
abandoning your parenting role. Teens are complicated in
that they demand both independence and guidance at the same
time.
Teens are also more likely to engage in risky behavior
both online and offline. While the likelihood of a teen
being abducted by someone he meets in a chat room is
extremely low, there is always the possibility that he will
meet someone online who makes him feel good and makes him
want to strike up an in-person relationship. It is extremely
important that teens understand that people they meet online
are not necessarily who they seem to be.
Although it's sometimes difficult to indoctrinate teens
with safety information, they can often understand the need
to be on guard against those who might exploit them. Teens
need to understand that to be in control of themselves means
being vigilant, on the alert for people who might hurt them.
The greatest danger is that a teen will get together
offline with someone she meets online. If she does meet
someone she wants to get together with, it's important that
she not go alone and that she meet that person in a public
place.
It's important for parents to remember what it was like
when they were teenagers. Set reasonable expectations and
don't overreact if and when you find out that your teen has
done something online that you don't approve of. That
doesn't mean that you shouldn't take it seriously and
exercise appropriate control and discipline, but pick your
battles and try to look at the bigger picture.
If your teen confides in you about something scary or
inappropriate that he encountered online, your first
response shouldn't be to take away his Internet privileges.
Try to be supportive and work with your teen to help prevent
this from happening in the future. And remember that your
teen will soon be an adult and needs to know not just how to
behave but how to exercise judgment, reaching her own
conclusions on how to explore the Net and life in general in
a safe and productive manner.
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